The Temptations of a Delicious Grilled Cheese Salty Sandy Sardine Sandwich, by Isaac Margolis
A 10-minute Play
OBJECT:
A delicious sandwich
CHARACTERS
Annalise Thompson
Just laid off from her job, 27, a struggling adult, doesn’t know how to function in life, can’t live love and laugh without her daily sandwich from Salty Sandy Sardine Sandwich Shop.
Michael Yi
Almost died from a near fatal car accident on the freeway and had been looking forward to eating this sandwich all week long, 28.
SETTING
Salty Sandy Sardine Sandwich Shop! – Irvine. California
TIME
Afternoon, around 2:00 to 5:00pm.
The Temptations of a Delicious Grilled Cheese Salty Sandy Sardine Sandwich
Two people walk in a sandwich shop at the same time, but they aren’t with each other. The cashier looks up from her phone and sees them.
CASHIER
We only have one grilled cheese salty sandy sardine sandwich left!
Both of them turn to look at each other.
ANNALISE
Hey, I’m really hungry. I’ve had a pretty bad day today. Could I have it please? I always have this sandwich every day. I don’t think I could survive without my grilled cheese salty sandy sardine sandwich.
MICHAEL
Wait, I’ve also had a rough day today. I got into this car crash on the freeway. I really need this grilled cheese salty sandy sardine sandwich to live, laugh and love my way through life today. This grilled cheese salty sandy sardine sandwich is my only reason for staying alive.
ANNALISE
Please, I just really want that grilled cheese salty sandy sardine sandwich. It’s the only thing that will bring me the happiness and dopamine that I need. I just got fired from my job and I’m probably going to end up homeless. I NEED this grilled cheese salty sandy sardine sandwich.
MICHAEL
Well, I could’ve died on that freeway, so if you want to compare life struggles, I think I’m winning that competition. Like too bad you might end up homeless! I could’ve died!
ANNALISE
Well at least you can probably still support yourself? You probably have a job. I was just laid off. Please.
MICHAEL
So now you’re making inferences about stuff you don’t know about? What about you? You look rich, with your Prada bag and diamond earrings (scoffs)
Turns away from Annalise and towards the cashier.
MICHAEL
I’ll have that grilled cheese salty sandy sardine sandwich. How much?
ANNALISE
HEY! STOP! I NEED THAT GRILLED CHEESE SALTY SANDY SARDINE SANDWICH!
Michael ignores him and asks the cashier again.
MICHAEL
How much did you say that was again?
Annalise runs up behind him and tackles him, throwing him aside.
ANNALISE
I WANT THAT GRILLED CHEESE SALTY SANDY SARDINE SANDWICH. HERE IS THE FIFTY DOLLARS.
MICHAEL
DID YOU JUST TACKLE ME? RAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Michael gets up and punches her in the stomach before she can pay for the grilled cheese salty sandy sardine sandwich and she collapses.
CASHIER
I’m going to ask you both to leave if you continue to fight like this. Please calm down or I will have no choice but to call security.
They are still glaring at each other.
ANNALISE
I really Really REALLY need that grilled cheese salty sandy sardine sandwich. So STOP being an asshole and GIVE IT TO ME YOU LITTLE-
MICHAEL
WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME? OH THAT’S IT YOU FUCKER I WILL RAIN HELLFIRE UPON YOU RAH RAH RAH RAH RAH RO MA RO MA MA GAGA OOH LA LA WANT YOUR BAD ROMANCE.
ANNALISE
Oh my gosh!!! I love that song for realsies! Lady Gaga is just, ugh, too good. I WANT YOUR LOVE AND, I WANT YOUR REVENGE YOU AND ME COULD WRITE A BAD ROMANCE. WOAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHH WOAHAHA WOAHHH CAUGHT IN A BAD ROMANCE.
MICHAEL
Yas sister! Period you ate and left no crumbs, it’s giving: SLAY! Wowzers you really devoured that. Oh my god by the way, you are so gorgelicious girly!
ANNALISE
Yes you really went there and did that! In awe of you for realsies you can totally deserve that grilled cheese salty sandy sardine sandwich. Ugh, what an icon you were! But by the way, you mean gorgtastic don’t you?
MICHAEL
No ANNALISELISE, I MEANT GORGELICIOUS. But moving on from that, I couldn’t possibly, you simply slayed more than me and that’s facts! I’ll even pay for you cause you were just too good. Slayed. Simply slayed. Speechless.
ANNALISE
No, I think we should share it bestie. We both want it and there’s no point in trying to deny it. Let’s split the bill and we can split the grilled cheese salty sandy sardine sandwich. How about that?
MICHAEL
Oh my gosh you’re such a genius! Period!
ANNALISE
Perchance
MICHAEL
You can’t just say “perchance” out of nowhere, slay sister.
ANNALISE
Perchance.
They split the bill and Annalise takes the grilled cheese salty sandy sardine sandwich back to a table with a knife to split it, each paying 25 dollars. Suddenly, she gets up.
ANNALISE
HAHAHA die loser I want this grilled cheese salty sandy sardine sandwich! Lady Gaga isn’t even the best anyways. Britney Spears outranks her in terms of everything MWAHAHAHA BYE.
(turns to run out the door)
MICHAEL
NOOOOO HOW COULD YOU?!?!?!?! YOU BETRAAAAAAYED ME. AND I KNOW THAT YOU’LL NEVER FEEL SORRRRRRY. (olivia rodrigo)
Michael catches her Prada bag before she opens the door and yanks on it, causing her to fall back. He grabs the grilled cheese salty sandy sardine sandwich but Annalise doesn’t let go. She holds onto the grilled cheese salty sandy sardine sandwich for dear life, and suddenly, the grilled cheese salty sandy sardine sandwich completely tears in half and falls to the dirty floor of the Salty Sandy Sardine Sandwich Shop.
ANNALISE + MICHAEL
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. THE LAST GRILLED CHEESE SALTY SANDY SARDINE SANDWICH. IT’S GONE. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
They both break down into tears and clutch each other, sinking to the floor. Their tears collect on the floor, a wet reflection of the depression they are going through as they both process that they will, in fact, not be getting to eat their favorite grilled cheese salty sandy sardine sandwich from the Salty Sandy Sardine Sandwich Shop.
ANNALISE
I guess I shouldn’t have tried to steal that delicious grilled cheese salty sandy sardine sandwich. If I hadn’t done that, we could have both had at least half.
MICHAEL
Yeah but it’s okay sister. I understand your thought process. I would’ve done the same thing in your shoes. And about Britney Spears… I LOVE HER JUST AS MUCH AS I LOVE LADY GAGA!!!
ANNALISE
Oh my gosh! YOU ARE SO REAL FOR THAT. I LOVE THEM BOTH EQUALLY TOO ACTUALLY. TWINSIES!!
MICHAEL
WAIT WE SHOULD LIKE TOTALLY GET ANOTHER SALTY SANDY SARDINE SANDWICH FROM SOMEWHERE ElSE TOGETHER RIGHT NOW! THAT WOULD BE LIKE SO COOL.
ANNALISE
Yes for sure! LET’S GOOOOO.
They run out of the Salty Sandy Sardine Sandwich Shop.
Isaac Margolis is a sophomore (10th grade) at the Orange County School of the Arts and is studying creative writing. He lives in Irvine, California. During his free time, he enjoys reading and listening to music.
